I hold tension in ...

I hold tension in* ...

The space behind my eyes where my tears gather, their weight growing as their numbers increase ... until.. until there is release and they come crashing from my eyes, cascading down my cheeks, accompanied by heaving sobs and pleas for it to stop hurting so damned much.

When the space is finally empty and the salt tracks are drying on my cheeks, that is when I lay my head on my pillow, shut my eyes, and hope for the sleep I know will not come soon. I yearn for that stillness of sleep to embrace me, it is only then the words in my head stop.

Because my brain likes activity, it gives me a running commentary of song lyrics, half remembered conversations, imagined conversations that may or may not happen in the future, on and on, even when I am reading there's a second voice in the background talking about something totally unrelated.

And underlying this, always, is that stream of sadness winding around my heart and mind, the grief of loss of our love and our future together, refilling the space behind my eyes.

(*from a prompt in a WritersHQ workshop)